a sense of security rains down on me
like the drops from a half-clogged shower head.

the dirt at me feet seems to have come from my head,
how painfully sensable.

i will wish on fallen eyelashes
and at 11:11
because i am too proud to pray
to a god i still feel semi-disassociated with,
like my older brother's friends.

i wish for things that don't seem to make much sense,
and i do it over
and over
and over
because i am too proud to pray
for things so selfish.

i wish to change my very self
because i am not always happy,
but would love to keep smiling.

somehow i always wish to be more crazy,
more sensible,
skinnier,
gluttonous,
stranger,
simpler,
more interesting,
a better cook,
less lazy,
more intelligent.

i'm not quite positive
how all of these things seem to make sense to me,
or how they'd all be contained in my belly.